Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Have you ever come home to find out your landlord stole two stadium lights from Wrigley Field -- then installed one of them right outside your bedroom window?

Okay, I don't have proof about the stealing from Wrigley Field part. But if Wrigley isn't missing lights then some airport somewhere is having difficulty bringing its pilots in at night.

I mean, these lights are Bright. Capital Insert-Your-Curseword-of-Choice-Here Bright. I guess they're for security. The second light is at the back of the apartment complex, and illuminates the entire parking area. And the parking area of the coffee house next door. And the entire parking lot of the church that is behind the complex, but actually on the next street over. Plus the church itself. The first night it was installed, the priests came rushing out thinking God had arrived.

That's the first new security light. The second is now right outside my bedroom window. And it uses the same Visible-From-The-Space-Shuttle lightbulb to illuminate the tiny 6 foot wide walkway between the two apartment buildings. I can now get a nice tan from sitting outside my apartment at night. But really, who needs to go outside for that special night tan when you've got a Klieg light for a night light -- and just two feet from your pillow!

Blackout curtains arrive Friday. I'm looking forward to sleeping without the sunglasses this weekend.

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